Lockdown 68

Lockdown Day 68 - 2 June 2020

The Mall was ready for me this morning. But I wasn't ready for the mall. The vibe I wrote about yesterday was there, ready to pull me in. The future winking with possibilities of the past. When I arrived at the undercover parking entrance I call "mine" (I get one space that works for me, never to change the habit), I was waved to a stop just before the boom. It was a friendly masked security guard asking me to remove my face screen so he can scan my forehead for my temperature. (I've typed this a hundred times over but it still sounds suspect). It was 36.9 °C (there is no other way to type this, haha). He then proceeded to ask if he could spray my hands. I held up my own sanitiser at which he took a few seconds to think about it, then waved me through. My hands took 9 weeks to get rid of chafing under my wedding rings, all because of excessive alcoholic sanitiser spraying. I still can't wear them, but at least my skin is returning to normal.

Once in, I parked in my usual parking bay, donned the face screen again and proceeded to the stairs leading into the mall. This was the point at which I found I wasn't in the best frame of mind. At the bottom of those stairs inside the mall, there is another entrance from another parking level, where pedestrians are also scanned and sanitized. Just when I passed that security guard, he abruptly told me in a loud voice to stop, wanting to scan me again. Realising my screen is in the way, he asked me to remove my mask. 

And then a loud exchange of words followed where I tried to explain I was already scanned and he not understanding or wanting to talk about this. I suspect the language barrier accounted for some of the frustration. He reached out, wanting to pick up the screen (only back at home I discovered it was torn). Luckily my better judgement took over and I complied, again waving my own sanitiser, which he accepted. 

So there I was, in the mall, not feeling it at all. This sounds like a rap song. Putting my mask on. Ha funny ha. 

It doesn't matter how many weeks we have been brain washed, trained and prepared (isn't that also brain washing?), hearing what to do and not to do, day in and day out (there's that no control thing again), somehow a part of me will still want to revert to default normal. In a sense I can identify with the people who refuse to comply with any of this. 

Anyway, there I was, having to decide whether the urge to get coffee and go do my errands was stronger than the fight/flight response that was close to taking over. Again my better judgement (probably my spirit) intervened and argued the logical action to be the best. I'm here, aren't I? So why not do what I came to do. so I stepped onto the elevator and went one floor up, to go do just that.

On the first floor landing I found one of my favourite coffee shops had openend it's barista bar for take away coffee. The aroma was intoxicating. Still upset, I took a mo' and ordered a flat white to go (oh gosh the rap song again). I found a window with a view on the lake, sipping the coffee quietly, waiting for my brain to empty out all the thoughts. That's when I realised this is how it feels - my spirit ( that has been pre-loaded with everything it needs to handle anything in life) has taken over with a calm I know couldn't have been me. 

So tonight I retire with the words of Galatians 5:25, "If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. " This is why I know God has not only got this, but He's also got me.